Sex and I
by Baby Chiba
Summary: Squall muses over what sex means to him and how his libido came to exist. Implied S/I, S/Z, S/R, but expressed S/S YAOI


_Disclaimer: As much as I wish to own these delicious characters, their rights are reserved by SquareEnix (bastards) and each other. I make no profit from these writings, just pleasure. _

**Authors Notes**: I started this a long time ago. It was an experimental piece from Squalls POV, and even though it seems a bit amateur to me, I still love the concept and wanted to get it out there.

My thoughts go out to **MissDincht.**

**Sex and I**

**By: Baby Chiba**

Sex was never as majestic or magical for me like others had said it would be. Therefore it never interested me.

My first time was with Rinoa.

My first time with Rinoa was also my last time with Rinoa.

The entire thing from foreplay to jumping out of her bed and running out the door half dressed had me feeling awkward and embarrassed.

The way everyone made it sound, I thought that it would have been tighter then it was or perhaps she was just an exception. Whatever the case, I wasn't willing to try again.

We abruptly broke up after that, or rather I broke it off after that.

The thought that perhaps women didn't have that certain appeal to me crossed my mind, and that perhaps a man could please me better.

So I tried trusted Irvine enough to break into me. Even though he was known as the womanizer, the creme of the crop, he did nothing for me. I was constipated for a week after he had a turn in me.

Though that awkward out of place feeling wasn't present with Irvine like it had been with Rinoa.

So I supposed that must be some indicator that I lean towards guys.

I turned to Zell.

And even Zell with all his energy wasn't enough to slate or even rouse any lust from me.

It was discouraging after a while, so I gave up on trying to find pleasure in others. I guess I wasn't blessed with a libido.

It was after I had given up searching and when sex was nothing but another word for me that I was granted an opportunity to have sex with Seifer.

It was shortly after he had returned to Garden. We were sparring in our familiar heated dance when he asked. Guess news of my orientation traveled fast.

"Wanna fuck?"

"Sure..."

You think it'd be a little more romantic then that, no, it wasn't it was perfect actually.

It meant nothing to me, I figured this would be the same as any other time, so I remained indifferent to his offer, while he wore his smug grin.

I merely stared void of all emotion, because I had none, no thought toward this.

The touching stimulated my arousal, but nothing major at all. The preparation felt strange as usual. But as soon as he entered me roughly, pain seared through my spine. I should have expected that much from my childhood rival.

Panic surged through me, not only was this going to be a failed attempt yet again, but it would be painful as well.

That's when I was shocked the most.

As he began pounding into me my face shifted. I think it was my body that registered before my mind.

It felt good, better then it had been with Rinoa or Irvine or Zell.

I thought it would stay consistent but I was wrong. As his vigor increased so did my reaction, it rapidly increased from good, to unbelievable.

My eyes rolled back into my head, my mouth hung open, jaw too heavy to close. I'd never been so hard in my life! The pleasure was so intense my vision blurred. All I could hear were my own moans gradually getting louder until he practically had _me_ screaming.

I was confused amidst frantic arousal, it wasn't supposed to feel this good, especially not with Seifer! He wasn't supposed to make me scream like this. I wasn't supposed to be reacting to his every thrust. Soon all thought was erased from my mind and I thought about nothing at all, only heard our joint moans, groans, and _my_ occasional screams.

He lasted much longer then I had, I came easily minutes before him while he still pounded into me. My climax left me breaking into extreme tremors and floating along the brink of ecstasy. I was breathing so heavily and so fast you would have thought I'd just run a marathon.

He left moments later leaving me in a daze of afterglow and deep thought.

I had sex with Seifer. And it was fucking amazing! It felt so natural. Replaying it through my mind had me erect and dripping in minutes.

I sought him out again after that night. I needed to have him once more, to see if he really could please me, or if it was just a one-time experience.

Again he didn't disappoint.

I sought him out after that constantly for sex.

He was addicting.

He truly was a sex god.

Gradually after time he didn't leave right after, he'd stay over night and most of the following day, just lounging in my room with me. It didn't seem to have any significance to him that he stayed with me. No obligations toward me, it was simple, the way I liked it.

Our having sex became a daily ritual over time, an essential part of the day I couldn't survive without. He would have me going as much as five rounds a day. He had amazing control which never ceased to amaze me.

I couldn't wait to get to my room after garden hours. I would be pulling my shirt out and unbuckling my belt even before I got to the door. Knowing he'd be there waiting for me.

I was a recent out of the closet hedonist. Though Seifer referred to it as wanton...

He would jokingly call me sex depraved, mocking me for my enthusiasm. He would often joke and ask if I had ever been exposed to sex before him. I would only stare and shake my head. I never considered Rinoa or Irvine or Zell an experience because they weren't, Seifer was.

He claimed he had corrupted me and turned me into a sex monger. But for complaining about my loss of innocence as much as he did he sure took advantage of it.

As much as he took from me, he wasn't selfish about it, as contradicting as that sounds.

He was completely calm about everything, never boasting or contributing anything else but sex. It was perfect. He was perfect.

I asked him one day how he did it. Confused he looked at me and asked me how he did what. I said with a completely straight face how he made sex feel so good. He only laughed and shook his head. I didn't see the comedy in that though.

And to my knowledge, I was the only one he was fucking no one else. Which surprised me. I'd think someone as cocky as him with such skill would be laying everyone in garden, which isn't to say he already hasn't at one point...

Though he wasn't _now_.

Secretly that's what made a smile curl my lips during each afterglow. I indulged in the fact that only _I_ got to experience him, and I selfishly wanted to keep it that way.

I think he knew that.

And the feeling was mutual. It seemed like he reserved himself for me, only for me, even if it was shown in the subtlest ways.

I could try to convince myself all I wanted that he didn't have some significance to me but it'd be in vain cause I know he did. He made me experience something I never thought I was capable of possessiveness.

I was possessive over him, but not openly, only internally I tried denying that one too.

One night I had the compulsion to kiss him. And so I did.

I kissed him, lips to lips.

It was something we had never done before, he didn't stop me. He didn't do anything at all actually. I pulled away stupefied, why hadn't he reacted?

I was answered with, "Don't..."

I blinked. Once than twice and again. What?

He left, and I stayed put in that exact spot reeling over what just happened.

I couldn't come up with anything, so I let it go. Figured it would be back to normal tomorrow night when he would come again and we'd fuck.

But he didn't come the next night. Or the next.

Past sexual frustration, I was worried. Genuinely worried.

I sought him out. He opened his dorm door without meeting my eyes and stepped aside for me to come in.

Before I had the chance to say anything he spoke.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what, kiss you?" I said, slightly defensive.

"Yes, Squall, yes! Why!?" His decibel level raised every syllable.

I don't know

"Because I wanted to!" That old heat in me from our arguments starting to resurface.

"You don't kiss someone on the lips unless you want a relationship with them!" He hissed.

I could feel his anger rising as well.

It was contagious.

"Maybe I do!"

He stopped.

I swallowed.

I hadn't thought about what I had said, it just came out. It surprised even me.

"You do?" He asked, sounding vulnerable, something I've never heard in his voice before.

"I do."

I did.

I really did. As much as I had wanted to deny it and keep it simple, I couldn't.

The thought of not having his hot body pressed against mine disturbed me beyond just sexual frustration.

I could see my answer rolling around in his head.

I don't remember who it was that breached the distance first, or if it had been both of us simultaneously, but we ended up wrapped in each others limbs, in a heated kiss on his bed.

No more thoughts. No more anger. Just lust, with a tinge of something else. Something Id have to think about after his lips weren't wrapped around my cock.

~The End~

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